17 Signs You Really Hurt Him And How To Make Amends

Relationships are not always a bed of roses. It is impossible to agree on everything, and at times we say things we don’t mean. Hurting our loved ones may not be intentional, but it happens. You had an argument the other day and now you feel your SO has taken your words to his heart. And that’s when you look for the signs you really hurt him, and ways you can salvage the relationship.

Why is it important to look for the signs your partner feels hurt and broken? Because men rarely show their emotions. Your perfect boyfriend may still be smiling at you but his eyes don’t light up anymore. Many men avoid tough conversations and act strangely, leaving it to the women in their life to figure what went wrong.

From a very young age, men are taught not to show their vulnerability. In a survey, it was shown that 77% of men have suffered with mental health issues in silence. Men might not express their emotions the way women do, but they surely show behavioral changes when hurt¹.

If your man has also been acting weirdly, is avoiding eye-contact and your gut feeling say something is not right, it is wise to go through the signs you broke his heart and make amends right away. Whether you have hurt a man’s ego, or his feelings, we have everything covered and will also give you tips on what you should do to make things right!

How Do You Know You Really Hurt Him- 17 Subtle Signs

Healthy relationships require that we comprehend how our actions hurt the people we care about emotionally. Sometimes the extent of our emotional hurt doesn’t become immediately apparent. Not everyone reacts to being hurt the same way, and sometimes it is not easy to know your words have hurt someone deeply. If your relationship suddenly feels off, it helps to retrospect on your actions. If you really love your man, you would not hesitate to take appropriate measures to heal his wounded heart after realizing you have hurt him some way or the other.

Some proactive measures to address the problem include providing a real apology, communicating effectively and mending your own ways so as to not let this happen again. Every relationship goes through ups and downs, but if this relationship is special to you, you will never want to hurt him anyway. The following is a comprehensive list of signs you have hurt your man deeply, and we hope you find your answer here.

1. He has withdrawn himself

Has your man created an emotional and a physical distance between the two of you? Have you noticed he avoids conversing with you, and when he has to, the conversations are cold and distant? These are telltale signs you hurt his pride somehow and he is responding by withdrawing himself. If your boyfriend is seriously hurt, he will be absolutely indifferent to you and may just withdraw himself from the relationship completely.

Some other signs you hurt him deeply include:

• He shows little or no interest in spending quality time together
• He does not reply to your texts or answer your calls
• He is often making excuses to not be with you
• He has changed his routine to minimize interaction with you (like working in different time-zones, or leaving the home before you even wake up)

2. He gets irritated about small things

Irritability, moodiness and anxiety have been linked to emotional suffering as per this study. When someone is not feeling their hundred percent from inside, they often project that dissatisfaction in the form of irritation and moodiness.

Does your boyfriend react absurdly over things that can be easily ignored? Do you find him getting aggressive over small issues? If it seems like he is unable to talk to you without getting angry, it could be a sign of mental upheaval and resentment he is building for you.

It’s important to recognize this symptom since it presents a chance for sympathetic support and dialogue.

• You call them to know how their day went, and they respond with anger and in an agitating tone
• Your partner appears cranky and irked over small or random incidents
• He shows increased sensitivity to small issues and has lashes out at you for small things
• You start to notice he is more irritable when you are around whereas he seems calm when you are away

3. He doesn’t maintain eye contact anymore

Among all the signs that you really hurt him and that he is upset, avoiding eye contact is the most common one. A partner who once looked into your eyes with warmth and connection may now avoid your gaze if they are feeling hurt, uncomfortable, or insecure. It is a simple non-verbal cue of engagement between people and its absence is a strong sign someone is unhappy and does not want to talk to you.

4. He has developed closed-off body language

A closed-off body language is a clear sign that you really hurt him and need to do something ASAP. If you are a good observer, you will be able to tell your SO is in pain by carefully looking at his facial expressions and body postures when he is with or around you. Research indicates that pain, hurt, anger, disappointment and disgust can be non-verbally communicated through body language, and it is easily identifiable, if you notice carefully enough.

When a partner’s body language in a relationship changes from open and inviting to closed and protective, it is a sign a man is hurt emotionally. A closed-off body language usually expresses a need for privacy and is an attempt safeguard against additional emotional injury.

• Crossed arms, sparse eye contact, a turned-away stance, and distancing movements are all examples of closed-off body language
• If you find him rubbing his neck more often when talking, it can mean he is getting uncomfortable around you
• Additionally, if you find him rolling his eyes when you try to talk to him, it can indicate that he is not interested or is getting annoyed

5. Signs of sarcasm and passive aggression

When someone uses sarcasm or passive aggression, it shows that they find it difficult to express how wounded they are through plain and effective communication. These covert means of expression may serve as a defensive mechanism to hide their weakness.

If your partner starts employing sarcasm or making passive-aggressive digs, it could be a sign of unresolved issues, frustrations, or unmet needs.

• If you find your partner taunting you for something from the past, it can be one of the ways that he is trying to emotionally hurt you as a defense mechanism
• When your partner mentions the fight and the hurtful words you said in a sarcastic joke, he is trying to let you know he is feeling miserable even though he does not say it out loud
• If you find him talking about just an ex or your previous romantic relationship in a sarcastic way, it can be a telltale sign you have hurt his feelings

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6. When you experience a loss of intimacy from his side

When a man is hurt, he chooses to withdraw from you emotionally. You will notice a pronounced lack of intimacy and affection, and will find him creating a wall of emotional distance between the two of you. Apart from the decline in physical intimacy, a hurt man will also stop to be emotionally vulnerable with you. And to maintain the same, he will avoid spending quality time with you altogether.

Feelings of trust and devotion for you have been now replaced with doubts and mistrust. If you think “he doubts my love for him after all this while”, it may actually be true because he is suffering on an emotional level. These wounds cannot be seen, but can have deep impacts.

A spouse with whom you once enjoyed warmth and closeness may stop giving you hugs, kisses, and cuddles. Such a case is a hidden cry for healing deep emotional traumas.

• You find him not being comfortable with eye contacts, hugging and other non-sexual actions of love and care
• He doesn’t care about your problems and stops giving you psychological support
• Signs like him not being comfortable with physical intimacy or avoiding getting close to you shows that he has a lot on his mind, other than you
• He may avoid having meals with you, sleeping in the same room as you (on pretext of work) or just spending more time elsewhere without any credible reason

It can be hard to watch a relationship you nurtured so lovingly crumble over something that was said in haste and anger. Know that everyone goes through such a hard time and that you aren’t alone in this.

7. He is showing escapist behavior

In a relationship², escapist tendencies frequently indicate unresolved emotional anguish or discomfort. When one spouse indulges in escapism, they avoid facing their emotions or relationship problems by hiding behind distractions like jobs, hobbies, or excessive screen time. This behavior denotes an unwillingness to have emotional conversations or confront unaddressed hurt. 

It could result in emotional separation and a sense of alienation. Thus, it is essential to look closely for the obvious signs you really hurt him and start working on improving yourself.

• When you find that he loses himself in his work or hobbies which is unusual, it can mean that he is avoiding you
• Also, if you see that he sticks his eyes to the laptop screen when you talk to him, it can mean he is trying to avoid conversations

8. He is withdrawing from social activities 

It’s a subtle but important sign you really hurt him when someone withdraws from social activities they once enjoyed in a partnership. In order to maintain emotional distance and shield inner self from further harm, disengagement is frequently attempted. It denotes their need for seclusion or isolation to deal with unsolved problems or deep feelings. Look out for such signs a guy is hurting inside and resolve the issues.

• If he refuses to go out on outings that you both once enjoyed, it is a sure sign that he is taking some time off from the relationship
• When you find them avoiding you in gatherings, it can mean that they are still in the process of healing the wound you created

9. He is not returning your calls or texts

It might be a subtle but a potent sign you really hurt him and that he is going through an emotional turmoil when a guy ignores your calls and/or messages. This change in communication styles denotes a widening emotional gulf or unhealed hurt as per research.

They may purposefully make a space for themselves to express their discontent or analyze their emotions. Men pulling away illustrates their desire for privacy and their unwillingness to have potentially upsetting dialogues, atleast for the time-being

• They might be seeing your texts but not caring to reply 
• While he doesn’t reply to your texts or calls, he might have attempted several drunk calls and he might be getting emotional when he does so
• There can be chances that they have blocked you and do not want to talk for the time being. If it is so do not rush it, wait patiently for him to get back to you
• If he is ignoring you, it is best to stop texting him and wait

10. He spends more time with family and friends over you

This is a no brainer. Someone who is hurt will choose to spend their time away from the person who hurt them, and this is exactly what your lover is doing. To take his mind off you, and to avoid being with you, he is spending more time with his friends or other family members. It could be an impromptu boys’ night (which is the third time in a week), or a cousin who has been super needy of your man. It could also be endless hours at work. Basically, choosing to spending their free time with other people is a sign they are hurt badly and are trying to disconnect with you.

They look to people outside of the partnership for comfort or support, since they are discontented with the relationship. A rebound relationship is also on the cards, to fill in the gap that your harsh words or actions have created. Since he is battling emotional turbulence, he may also look for cheap thrills such as one-night stands. It is in your best interest to sort the issue now and here to avoid regretting what happens next.

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11. He has become hyper-sensitive

Has your man been having strong emotional reactions to insignificant situations? Do they seem to be always grumpy, complaining about anything and everything? Because your partner is deeply hurt, they are exhibiting signs of hypersensitivity to mask their emotional suffering. How to recognize the signs of hypersensitivity in a man?

• They seem overwhelmed over small changes in their routines while they have been previously very accommodating otherwise
• A small trigger can make your man stressed and he will stay in his room on the pretext of need of space
• He misinterprets your behavior and everything you say is taken in a negative way
• Emotional overreactions are common when someone is feeling hurt and haven’t been able to speak about it
• Your hurt boyfriend will tend to take everything personally
• They show signs of low self-esteem and insecurity, while constantly doubting themselves

These nonverbal cues are signs they are still reeling under the pain you have caused them. They feel they are not good-enough and might be battling feelings of hopelessness. If you love this man, a two-way dialogue could work for you both. Else, practice the no contact rule if he is not ready to talk. It can work for the better.

12. He has gone back to his old negative habits

Reverting to old, potentially bad habits in a relationship is frequently an indication of underlying unresolved issues or emotional anguish. It is common for people to revert to these behaviors in an effort to deal with or numb emotional suffering. It implies that the connection can be causing frustration or the reopening of previous scars. So, it is essential to look out for the signs you hurt his pride.

• If he has again started drinking excessively or smoking unlike when you two were in a relationship, it can mean he is looking for some kind of escape from the emotional trauma
• Also, signs like going back to participating in activities to pass time can be a signs you really hurt him and he is ignoring your presence
• If you see him obsessing over parties and spending most of his time in clubs, it is a sure sign he is getting himself wasted because of the hurt

13. He is posting depressed posts on social media

This is the age of the internet. Social media mostly tells you a lot about people and what they are going through. If your man has suddenly starting posting depressed posts on social media, it could be they are feeling the same and relate to those posts. Quotes on betrayal, loneliness, being left alone, being used or taken for granted etc. are often a message to the person who has caused them pain. These social media posts act as a subtly effective call for support, understanding, or attention.

You can clearly say that these are signs you really hurt him. They suggest that the person might be dealing with stress, dissatisfaction, or unresolved emotional suffering in real life. Such outward displays of melancholy reveal a desire for empathy and connection. 

14. He is furious at you

Most of us react furiously to things when unhappy. One of the clear signs you hurt your boyfriend is when you find them reacting angrily over small inconveniences or changes in their routine. They may act aggressively, shout, talk badly or have violent outbursts as a result of their rage irrespective of your relationship with them.

This rage frequently masks underlying own feelings of annoyance, betrayal, or emotional suffering.

Anger could be an emotional response to unfulfilled demands or unresolved relationship issues. Understanding their rage is essential because it emphasizes the need for honest and open communication. We suggest find time for regular relationship check-ins to have a better understanding of each others’ expectations and disappointments.

• When he gets angry at you for trivial things and talks pretty badly it can mean that they are not ready to talk and need some time off
• He might be lashing out at you when you ask for his time and attention. But it is quite natural that he hasn’t healed from your words or wounds so give him some time

15. He has stopped complimenting or appreciating you

When your partner stops complimenting you or expressing gratitude, it’s a clear indication that things are getting tense in your relationship. Your emotional connection may be deteriorating if he has completely stopped saying words of admiration for you. Whether it is bitterness, underlying pain or emotional hurt, or discontentment from the relationship, if your partner has nothing nice to say to you, it is a red flag.

Your partner may be reluctant to compliment you because of unresolved conflicts or a feeling of disconnection. This is more bothersome if he has been someone who showers you with love and appreciation for even the smallest of the things. Perhaps you have said something hurtful and he has chosen to not express himself anymore. You can:

• Try to initiate conversations with with, by taking the leads on complimenting him and boosting his self-respect
• If he used to greet you with morning and night texts but has stopped doing so, it means he is not yet ready to make things normal. You can take a step ahead and start sending him the same first
• If he is unwilling to talk to you, you can try to win his hurt by offering him an apology card with some flowers or a nice gift. The idea is to make him understand you realize you hurt him and want him to know he matters to you

16. You can say his smile has turned fake

Your ex-boyfriend’s forced or fake smile or lack of genuine warmth in a relationship are blatant signs of underlying unhappiness and that he is upset. A once-sincere smile could now come out as forced or artificial, hiding their genuine emotions. 

It may not be that he isn’t smiling at all, it is just when you are around, he just does not smile happily. He will be smiling and laughing with others, but you are unable to get his attention. If you have been with a man long enough, you will know how genuine is his smile. And in the event he does smile, it is not the usual. It is more like a social obligation lacking the warmth. His eyes no more light at the

When you have hurt someone deeply, it’s quite obvious that it will affect your dating life. A forced grin is frequently a defensive tactic used to mask vulnerability. Take these signs you really hurt him seriously and work on them.

17. He hardly makes conversations with you

When a man is hurt by a woman he loves deeply, he chooses to punish himself by completely withdrawing from all conversations. If your man is feeling hurt, he will limit what he talks about with you, with mostly mundane things taking the lead. All your questions will be answered by a nod, a yes, or a no. There will hardly be any discussion, and serious topics may simply cause him to overreact.

Why is your boyfriend limiting his conversations with you? Because he is hurt and that is causing him to be more reserved, responding very briefly and rarely starting any discussion. This indicates the complex underlying problems in your relationship, which has caused him to be emotionally distant with you. A reluctance to have uncomfortable conversations that are meaningful indicates unspoken hurt. Understanding this shift is essential because it highlights the value of honest, compassionate communication.

5 Things To Do After You Hurt Him Badly

It can be a really difficult situation in a relationship when you have emotionally injured someone who cares a lot about you. It is essential to keep in mind that healing is possible, despite the grief and harm your actions might seem to have inflicted. Following are steps you should consider with sincerity and dedication to reconcile when you have got the signs you really hurt him:

1. Apologize with sincerity

The first and most important step in mending a relationship after deeply hurting someone is to apologize once you realize the signs you broke his heart. Start by owning up to your mistakes and accepting full responsibility for the own suffering you’ve caused.

Offer a genuine apology that conveys regret rather than making excuses or assigning blame. Express your regret and understanding of his true feelings in plain, sympathetic language. Remember that apologizing holds enough power to make things better.

2. Listen actively

Active listening entails paying close attention to your partner and sincerely attempting to comprehend their viewpoint and pure desire. Refrain from interjecting or defending yourself. If he is going through tough time personally or professionally, offer encouragement and support. Be his pillar of strength.

Instead, provide an environment where they feel free to openly share negative emotions and worries. Even if it’s unpleasant to hear, demonstrate empathy by acknowledging their suffering and validating their hurt feelings.

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3. Make the necessary adjustments

After creating serious harm to your partner, mending the connection requires making reparations. Remember that they are also human beings and it’s normal for them to react that way. It entails taking specific steps to make things right and stop the unpleasant behavior from happening again.

Start by addressing how you can make things right with the person you have offended and here self-improvement is the key. The goal is to show that you are committed to making things better and to making sure that your words and deeds are consistent. 

4. Give him some alone time

Once you have got the important signs you really hurt him, recognize that healing takes time and that they might need some space to think about and come to grips with what has happened. Pressurizing someone to forget and move on will not work in your relationship’s favor. Remember, they have been hurt and constant pressure from your side could impede the healing process and affect their already low self-esteem.

Instead, reassure them of your love and dedication, giving them their space to come to terms with their feelings. From your side, keep making conscious efforts to re-establish trust, and open the channels of communication. In navigating this phase of a relationship, patience and understanding are crucial.

5. Rebuild trust

After understanding the signs you really hurt him, restoring trust requires persistent dedication and perseverance. It entails being consistently trustworthy, being upfront and transparent, and respecting limits. Recognize your past errors, accept responsibility, and make an effort to better yourself.

Be compassionate and give yourself time to recover, keeping in mind that building trust takes time. To show that you’re serious about the change, keep your word and prioritize it.

The first step in recovering from relationship damage and making reconciliation is understanding the subtle signs you really hurt him and the emotional suffering. These signs that a guy is heartbroken can help you improve things between you two. Make a heartfelt apology and accept full responsibility for your actions to start the healing process. The importance of active listening and empathy cannot be overstated. 

Make specific modifications to your behavior and actions to show you’re sorry. Work together with your spouse to find answers, and reach out to your family therapist or a licensed professional counselor, if needed. Make sure they feel safe in the relationship by respecting their boundaries. The key is consistency; demonstrate your commitment to improving yourself as a spouse and person through your actions.

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