15 Profound Signs A Man Is Unhappy In His Marriage And What You Can Do

While there are a lot of statistics on the number of marriages that end in divorces, the same is not available for the people who stay unhappy in marriages, feeling stuck or simply just settling in. Psychologist Ty Tashiro, an award-winning professor and with a Ph.D. in psychology from the University of Minnesota has said that of all the people who get married, only three in ten remain in healthy, happy marriages. True, the decision to end a marriage is a tough one, and it is women who take the lead in ending a marriage more often, statistically. So does that mean that more men stay put in unhappy marriages? What are the signs a man is unhappy in his marriage? Let’s discuss them in detail.

15 Signs A Man Is Unhappy In His Marriage

Marriage is a lot of work, and it takes a lot of effort to stay in love and be “happily married”. If you thought there is a 50-50 chance of being in a happy marriage, you couldn’t be more wrong. 

Happiness is obvious and contagious, with the signs of a happy man being visible to everyone around. However, the signs a man is unhappy in his marriage are often noticed by others before the wife as they manifest in the way he behaves, communicates and conducts himself. 

Why, you ask? Because even when your husband has emotionally checked out of the marriage, he will still perform all his duties, just without any touch of love. As a marriage gets older, couples often tend to take each other for granted, and signs of disinterest are mistaken for tiredness, work pressures, and stress. 

A husband who has started to get emotionally distant from you will still be attached to you – be it because of the family, kids or other family dynamics. However, as a wife, you must be aware of some signs that can help you identify your husband is unhappy in the marriage, so you can act in time to save your marriage. 

1. Your sex life seems to have come to a halt

A budding sex life may not be true for everyone, however, it cannot be ruled out of the equation of a happy marriage. If you are a couple who is happy with the amount of physical intimacy you are getting, then it is great. Not everyone has the same level of libido all the time! But if one of the partners is wrought and feels rejected sexually, it may be a sign of the couple growing apart. 

While a lot of times disinterest in sex from one of the parties may be due to life factors such as work, stress, older age, bad mood etc, if you feel your husband has totally disengaged from you sexually, it could be his lack of feelings for you. He does not want to be intimate with you because he does not feel it. And that spells trouble for your marriage. 

2. His priorities have changed

Everyone’s priorities keep changing with time and age. But there are always certain people we value more than others. For a long time, his priority has been you. That is, when he was a guy in a happy relationship with you. 

How does a man unhappy marriage react to the new change in his life? By prioritizing other people and things over you. Look for the below signs of a guy who feels stuck with you:

• He prefers to spend the nights hanging out the boys more often
• Even if you have given him hints that you and he could spend some quality time together, he stays in the office longer than usual
• Instead of getting cozy in the bed with you, he prefers to sit on the sofa with his PS5
• He has started to forget about your important days more often than what you’d forgive him for
• You have to remind him of your presence in his life

In the unfortunate event you have noticed these signs in your married life, it might be time to take stock of the underlying issues in your relationship.

3. He loves his devices more than you

If not his friends and other people over you, it is his devices that he spends most of his time with. Whether it is checking out hundreds of reels on Instagram or casually browsing online, he has little or no attention and time for you.

When a guy is unhappy in his relationship, he may also tend to give more time to his work. So his computer may always be running, since he is always busy or pretending to be busy. On the other hand, a husband who is on his phone all the time may also be cheating on you, on social media platforms such as Facebook or Snapchat. Resist the urge to snoop on his phone, because he might consider it a breach of his privacy and get further away from you.

4. Your conversations are superficial

What is one of the prime unhappy marriage signs? A pronounced lack of deep, personal conversations. Whenever you both talk, your conversations are superficial, mundane and lack any depth. It is either about the kids, or about the bills. Where earlier he used to share his day-to-day life with you, he is not least interested to talk about anything involving his life with you.

This shift in communication pattern is not sudden – these small changes in the way he talks to you, behaves around you and conducts himself when he is with you start to manifest much earlier in a dying marriage. The important thing is to recognize these changes early on in order to save your marriage.

5. He avoids spending time with you

When do you know he has given up on your marriage? When he simply avoids spending any time with you as husband and wife. When was the last time you ate dinner together without picking up an argument or without a rote or a mundane conversation.

From withdrawing intimacy to being away on business trips, your husband tries everything to avoid being with you. He might have also taken up a new hobby, or become passionate about a pet or a business project. He may work late nights in the office, or keep hooked to his computer even when at home. If he has also started to sleep in a separate room because “it got late and he did not want to disturb you”, it is time to carefully examine the state of your marriage and look at the reasons why your husband is behaving the way he is.

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6. He keeps himself away from social gatherings

The cheer, the happiness, and the family get-togethers feel a burden for an unhappy husband.  He is least bothered about his social engagements, particularly the ones he has to attend with you. He does not want to share laughs or happy moments with you, he does not want to joke around or flirt with you. The last thing he wants is to pretend to be happy and wear a smile for hours together when in his heart he knows his marriage is slipping away.

He does not want to maintain any connections with your side of the family and friends, and he keeps you distanced from his family and friends because he does not want you to be too close with them. He’d rather cut-off from people he once cared for, then to be with you in their presence.

7. Signs a man is unhappy in his marriage are there in his body language

Well, one may be able to hide what’s going on in their minds, but they cannot do so through their actions. A man’s unhappiness may not be very evident through what he says, but his actions cannot lie. Some of the body language signs your husband is unhappy with his life are:

• Little or no eye-contact when he is speaking with you
• A lack of physical affection 
• Crossed or closed arms indicating discomfort in the presence of the spouse
• Heavy sighs, or furrowed brows can also mean resentment or contempt
• A sign of a man stuck in an unhappy marriage could be smirking, and rolling eyes when his wife is speaking
• He keeps physical distance from you, like sitting away from you even if there is place next to you
• Frequently interrupting you when you are talking, suggesting a lack of confidence in you

These signs can be spotted easily, especially if you actually start to make note of them. If you are in a place like this, it is time to make some serious efforts to repair your dying marriage.

8. His mood swings and temper is getting worse

A man’s happiness may be visible in the way he shows irritability even on minor issues. Does your husband frequently get angry and lashes at you in order to create stress and distance from you? Increased irritability is a definite sign he is miserable, feeling lost and unhappy with his current state of life. There is also a term coined for the same, miserable husband syndrome.

While it is a good thought to identify the triggers and practice forgiveness, it may not always be easy. Sometimes, increased irritability could also stem from excessive work pressure or hormonal changes, among others. It is a good idea to take help from a licensed psychologist to make him aware of the impact of his angry outbursts and help him control the same.

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9. He does not discuss future plans with you

A couple in a happy marriage always discuss future plans- whether it is the next holiday, retirement plans, kids’ education or financial investments. They work as a team in making their future secure and create a safe space for their family. But, that is not the case when he has given up on your marriage.

As painful as it may sound, your husband is not concerned with your future as a couple. You do not feature in his future plans as a wife, but just perhaps as the mother of his kids. It’s not that he will leave you penniless, but he does not care about your well-being, your security and your opinions on the matter anymore. Your future plans no longer align, and as his current partner, you do not see yourself in his long-term plans anymore.

10. He jokes about marriage and being married

A harmless joke on marriage never harmed anyone. A satire here, a nugget there is all laughable and fun unless one of the partners starts to feel offended. When it is your husband cracking all the demeaning jokes on marriage, and how tough being married is, it is natural to not want to smile at his quirks anymore. 

If the smiles are harder to come by, and it feels like all his advice targets at not getting married, or being away from you, it is high time to have a heart to heart conversation with your husband. No one will feel good hearing their spouse wanting to spend their days away from them to get some peace and quiet. Well, not in a social setting, for sure.

Moreover, one characteristic of unhappy married men would be when he barely speaks about you in public. What is a married man who never mentions his wife? Unhappy. 

11. He often speaks about couples who are getting separated

So your husband is seemingly unhappy with you, you know your marriage has hit a rough patch. But what if he keeps on talking about people who have separated or divorced and are navigating their life better now? That begs the question – is he contemplating divorce? Is he hinting that you two might be much happier divorced?

This is probably the most serious sign a man is unhappy in his marriage, and a warning sign to you to act now before it is too late.

12. He has stopped taking care of himself

One of the prominent signs he is miserable with himself and you is when he simply stops taking care of himself. The gym sessions are a thing of the past, and he hasn’t been looking his best lately. For someone who has always been very conscious of their health and how they look, this sudden shift in personal hygiene could be a sign he is unhappy on a broader scale. 

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13. He barely notices you

It can be heartbreaking to make efforts to make your husband acknowledge your presence everywhere. It is like you are simply invisible to him. When he walks into the living room after a presumably exhausting day at work, he simply fails to see you waiting on the couch. When he is driving beside you, there is not a word from him. He hardly sees you, barely notices you and this can be frustrating for any woman in the world. 

Take this as the ultimate sign your marriage is over for him. Take the cues seriously and act now to save your marriage if you still love your husband.

14. You can feel it in your heart

This one is a no-brainer. Women are blessed with a sixth sense and it does not take a genius to know that the man who has been living with you under the same roof, eating with you on the same table and sleeping with you on the same bed no longer loves you. Or worse, he tries to force his love for you, but you can sense it is hard for him. He has emotionally and physically checked out of the marriage and while you are devastated, you want to give saving your marriage a try. That is why you are here.

15. It’s been a long time since he said “I Love You” to you

From texting sweet nothings every now and then, to saying ‘I love yous’ occasionally, this is mostly a gradual change for most of the couples. But when was the last time he told you he loved you? Was it on your last anniversary, or your last birthday? Or is it that you cannot remember when he last said ‘I love you’ to you because it has been a long time?

Perhaps, you are in the conundrum where you say ‘my husband says he loves me but is unhappy’, because you can feel the lack of genuineness in his expression. His eyes do not shine, he does not hug you close, but it feels like he is saying it to you under some kind of pressure or burden. Yes, dear, this is again a sign your husband is unhappy in his marriage.

We have broadly covered almost all signs a man is unhappy in his marriage, and we are sorry if you identify with most of them. However, because you have made it till here, we can say you are not ready to give up on him and your marriage. You do not want to be just an unhappy couple that stays married for various reasons none of which is love.

We hear you, and have compiled some practical tips to approach this situation with patience and maturity. 

What To Do As A Wife If Your Husband Is Unhappy In The Marriage

It can be devastating for any woman to find out that her marriage has hit a rock bottom and she has been living with someone who is unhappy in their relationship. While the blow can cause you to panic, we suggest you first make sure you are at a place where you want to salvage the marriage for yourself and your happiness. Try the below before losing all hope of repairing your marriage:

Talk it out with your husband: It might not be easy, but in a closed, comforting setting without your friends and family ask your husband why he is behaving the way he is. Tell him it hurts you to see him like this and you’d like an honest, open communication on the issues with him. Do not take things personally when he talks, be patient, do not interrupt and resist the urge to share your side of the story as of yet

Figure out the issues in your marriage: Once your husband opens upto you, identify the issues in your marriage. Is it the financial stress your husband is dealing with? Or is it that he feels inadequate for you? Is it something you have said or done that has been the reason he has been creating distance between the two of you? Once the channel of communication has opened and you both are on the same side, it will be much easier to recognize the issue that is causing the rift in your relationship

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Focus on resolving the issues and refrain from blaming each other:  So you have the issues identified, so move onto the solution. Does an apology work? Or will he be convinced with a promise of changed behavior? Attack the problem as a team, and not each other

Help your husband see the bigger picture: So your husband might have been hurt or furious over something that happened a long time ago, and he decided to withdraw himself from you. Is that mistake so huge that it is worth your marriage and life you so lovingly built? Could anything be bigger than it? And if it is something unforgivable, like infidelity, perhaps it is time to weigh your options as well

Take help from a marriage counselor: Taking help from a certified marriage counselor or  a psychologist as a couple could actually help you repair your marriage in a healthy way and pave the way for a fulfilling relationship. He may be able to recognize the subtle signs of discontentment in both of you and help both of you individually and as a couple.

Everyone goes through relationship issues in their life. By listing the signs a man is unhappy in his marriage and ways to tackle this situation, we hope you can find your way back to each other, and resolve your issues in a healthy way. Wishing you the best, always.