13 Clear Signs He Loves His Wife More Than You (No Matter What He Says)

Being in love with a married man is surely not a favorable situation for anyone. But then, you really don’t have much choice in the matters of the heart, do you? So you are in love with a married man, but after the chasing and the wooing is over, you have started to notice some signs he loves his wife more than you.

On the surface, you both seem to have hit it off- a married man in awe of you, those expensive rendezvous and lots of gifts, and a great chemistry. Even though he spends more of his precious time with you, you cannot shake the feeling that he loves his wife more than you. That is what happens in an extramarital affair.

Being the second choice of a man you love is not a great place to be in, especially in such a complex emotional equation. To gain clarity, and to understand where you stand in this relationship of three, it is important to gain insights to the signs his primary devotion lies with his wife. This will help you plan your next steps being aware of his intentions, and your priorities.

13 Signs He Loves His Wife More Than You

Research states that a person can be in love with two people at once, even though that might sound strange. Unlike the notion that you can only be in love with one person, and that too for a lifetime, many of us have loved more than one person at a given time. Sure, there are circumstances when we may not act upon our feelings, but the feeling of being in love with two people at once is nothing unheard of. 

There is a huge possibility that your man loves you, but he is committed toward his wife as well. Well, not physically, perhaps, but emotionally, financially and socially. You can feel his love for you in all the little things he does for you, but you can also sense that he is not going to leave his wife for you to set up a home with you. If you have noticed the below signs, it is in your best interest to weigh out your options and act accordingly.

1. His first priority is his wife

A married man may be in love with two women – you and his wife- but if he always chooses his wife over you, it is a sign he still loves her with all his heart. He is attracted to you, he likes to spend time with you, loves fooling around with you but when he has to prioritize, it is always his wife. 

If you are in love with a married man, he can make you feel special, shower you with gifts, take you on vacations, and perhaps shower you with a lot of love- but he cannot make a home with you unless he leaves his wife. And that is a feeble possibility if his first priority is his wife. Some of the signs a married man is using you include:

• Treating you like his mistress, buying your affection with gifts
• Meeting you only when it is feasible for him
• Always setting dates in hotel rooms or secluded places
• Using you to fill the void in his married life – sexual, emotional or social

If this is how your relationship looks like, there is a possibility he is using you for fulfilling his own desires.

2. He has an active family life

Birthdays. Christmas Dinners. Holidays. Weddings. Even Funerals. A marriage is a lot about being present with your spouse on all social occasions. Infact, being socially present for your spouse is one of the ways to show your love to each other. A married man who is actually looking to get out of his marriage is not active on family matters and ends up skipping some of them every now and then. That’s how a man would function if he is looking to get away from a marriage – be seen less and less with the family.

But if a man is happily married, he shows up smiling at all these family events and gatherings. It does not matter if he has to leave you behind, because he understands he needs to be there with his wife. He is in a committed relationship and that is enough for him to have an active family life. He may have developed romantic feelings for you, but he is not someone who is leading an unhappy family life and will leave them all to be with you.

3. Your married lover never speaks ill about his wife

When a married man is using you for your body, he will woo you by saying bad things about his wife. He will always compare his wife with you and make you seem like the best woman he has ever been with. He will tell you he is unhappy, looking for an out from his marriage, and finds you as his perfect companion. You will see this as a sign he will leave his wife for you, eventually.

However, when a married man never says ill about his wife or criticizes her and yet tells you he has genuine feelings for you, it is a sign he has fallen for you inspite of his marital status. His relationship status has not stopped him for having feelings for you, but he is unsure of how to act on them.

Even though he makes his feelings known to you, he never compares you to his wife or gives you an impression he is frustrated with her, know that he genuinely still cares for his wife. And your being the ‘other woman’ is a high possibility.

4. He never shies away from his family responsibilities

Whether it is being there for the family gatherings, or taking responsibilities like dropping kids to school or picking his wife’s parents from the airport – he does it all happily. He is providing for his family just as a man should, working hard for them and never missing on anything involving them. 

You have never seen him canceling on a plan with his family because you are running a fever, or make an excuse not to attend to his responsibilities to be with you. He does it all – being a caring and sensitive husband and a doting dad – without a hint of displeasure or discomfort is a sign he cares for his family.

And that invariably indicates he loves his wife whole-heartedly, making you question your worth in the equation.

5. He is still sleeping with his wife

Your man may have confessed he has strong feelings for you, and may have told you how much he loves you despite the complicated situation you both are in at the moment. But the fact that he is still sleeping with his wife is proof he still loves her and they share quite an intimate bond. 

Couples who have drifted apart or have decided to part ways firstly take off sex from the menu. If your married lover still sleeps with his wife, there is a good chance they are still on intimate terms. 

Even if they might be having issues in their marriage, they could be using sex as a tool to navigate their challenges as spouses. Research supports this, since sex is such an intimate act that it opens doors for conciliation. Either way, it is indicative of the fact that you are not his only love-interest. Some of the signs he is still sleeping with his wife include: 

• You have spotted a hickey or two occasionally
• He has been lying to you on the matter, making excuses that don’t make sense
• When he is making love to you, you can sense an uneasiness, like he is not comfortable 
• He does not want to cuddle but want to get back home as soon as you are done
• Your gut feeling says he is not into you with the passion he should be

6. He depends on her for emotional support

Does your married lover love his wife more than you? Yes, if he still depends on her for emotional support, security and validation. Research has proven that couples who give and receive support from their spouses lead a healthier life- both mentally and physically.  

A married couple have a shared history of struggles and triumphs, and if they are vulnerable with each other though one of them is straying (in the literal sense of monogamous relationships), this interdependence is a sign they are still close together. There is a strong emotional connection between them. This couple is tightly knit, no matter what you perceive being the ‘other woman’. You will need to decide what you want in your life accordingly.

7. He cares about his wife

It is all in the little things, as they say. One of the strong indicators he loves his wife more than you is when you can feel he still deeply cares for her. Whether it is about sending her flowers on special days, or being there with her when she is sick, if he behaves as an ideal husband when she needs him, it is a sign he still loves her deeply. He does not have to shy away to show love to his wife.

You can notice he tries hard to keep his wife happy – through small actions of love life, like gifting, being romantic or by just spending time with her. He goes to great lengths to ensure her needs are met and she is always smiling.

In retrospect, even though he does some of the similar things for you as well, given the choice, his wife always wins.

8. Your man openly shows his love for his wife

Even if your married lover genuinely loves you, you will still remain his ‘dirty secret’. When it comes to you, affection is shown behind closed doors, but when it comes to his wife, he does not hesitate to show his love for her publicly. 

How to tell if a man really loves his wife? When you have come across several social media posts where he shares cheesy love quotes for his wife. His social media is full of their pictures, hand-in-hand, eyes-in-eyes. If you try looking beyond what meets the eye, all you can see is genuine affection and love. 

Your married lover is hopelessly in love with his wife, even if you feel they might have hit a rough patch in their marriage. And when a man loves his wife truly, it is certain you will be only a temporary chapter in his life. He is the husband who loves his wife despite the differences, if any.

9. He has a baby-on-the-way with his wife

Well, this is a no-brainer, is it? If he already has kids with his wife, and has another one joining the family soon, there is every chance he will be more loving to her than you. It is natural, honestly. A man values the woman carrying his child by all means.

As for you, you are on his mind too, especially when he needs a break from the fatherly duties or when it gets overwhelming being the family man. You are romantic partners, of a sort. You are that spark of romance and light in his otherwise mundane, family life. But his existing relationship with his wife will always be on his mind.

10. His long-term plans involve only his wife

When a man is no longer in love with his wife, he will make plans to make a life without her involvement. Or, in case they have children, with her minimum involvement. But a husband who is in awe of his wife will make all his future plans with her. He is in a long-term relationship with her, and he intends to keep it that way. 

So do you see yourself in the picture? If no, then it can be safely assumed that you don’t feature in his long-term plans. It is a clear sign he does not think of your romantic connection as a long-term relationship. 

11. He is there for her without her asking

If you are having a cold, you will need to pester and beg him to stay the night with you. He cannot be there with you publicly, and that is an unsaid agreement between the two of you. It may sometimes even seem like he is the most naive man ever who has to be told everything.

But come his wife into the picture, and he does everything, everything that needs to be done without any instructions whatsoever. He does not need to be told to be there for her, he simply is. He knows what to say to make her feel better if she’s down. He understands what he needs to do if his wife is not in a good mood. He pretty well knows how to surprise her to make all her anger melt away. 

Just these little things sets the love he has for you apart from the love he has for his wife. 

12. He has never told you he will leave his wife

An unhappy, married man in a new relationship with you will be all about how he wants to start fresh and leave his wife as soon as possible. He will not hesitate to say that his marital life has been a dreadful one, and he does not want to look at his wife again. That is what bad marriages do to you. Leaves one bitter, wrought and desperate to leave.

But his is not a loveless marriage. And because he loves his wife deeply, he has never thought about leaving her. He may have confessed to occasional bouts of depression and loneliness, but he wants to see the end with her. Like a true life-partner. 

13. He never spends the nights with you

That is a sure-shot sign your married lover is still in love with his wife, and you are only a distraction of some sort for him. He may have spent a cozy evening with you, but if he insists that he needs to go home to his wife for the night, it is a sign he is not going to give you her place. In all probability, this is a sign he is still sleeping with his wife and rests in her embrace every night.

If a married man loves you more than his wife, he’d want to spend all his time with you. In fact, he will make excuses to be with you, will lie to his wife and family and will make sure he falls into your arms every night. But that’s not happening, isn’t it? This is a strong sign the married man you are dating has reserved his time for his wife, unless he needs a temporary break from her.

And if he does spend a night with you, he will feel guilty and may just go home and confess it to his wife. This night will weigh heavily on his mind. At the end of the day, his relationship status is still “married”.

Before you develop feelings for your married man, make sure you agree with the proposition of being the other woman and never being able to be known as his better-half. It is not uncommon to hear of a married man flirting with other women, but it does not mean you should tie your hopes of a happily ever-after with him. And perhaps, you are not the only woman he enjoys flirting with. You may have noticed his hero instinct click-in  when you are in a situation, but do not confuse that for love. Initiating an honest communication with him regarding your place and position will help you see through those rose-tinted glasses and decide consciously as to what you seek in life. We wish you all the best.